THE GALLERY OF CRUEL & UNUSUAL SPORRANS

Proud of your Sporran?  And why not?

Everyone may not be as tasteful as yourself.   Perhaps you spent some time choosing just the right sporran that satisfied your own ideas of

  • manliness

  • historicity

  • overall complementary and pleasing harmony with the rest of your gear

  • appropriate cultural or subliminal social messaging

 

Perhaps not ...  

 

At any rate ... we do know there is an art to choosing one's accessories, especially one so specifically and centrally positioned.

 

Following is a gallery of sporrans that range from "eclectic" to "why?" and go beyond mere matters of taste and tassels.

Trigger Warning: The collection shown below is not for ...

 

  • the faint of heart

  • the weak of stomach

  • those with no appreciation for the upcyling of roadkill

  • those who are already offended by the idea of white kilt hose for formal occasions

 

Editor's note: Trust me ... with sporrans like these, no one is wondering what is worn "under" the kilt.  

And now, just to prove that talented taxidermy is no substitute for good taste ...

 

The Gallery of Cruel& 

Unusual SporrANS

Ugly Christmas Sporran

Ugly Christmas Sporran

Goes with the sweater

Werewolf

Werewolf

Silver bullet, anyone? Not exactly channeling the romantic vampires and werewolves of the Twilight franchise

For the Cyclops in your Life

For the Cyclops in your Life

For giving people the glad eye

Punk in Pastel

Punk in Pastel

Lavender blue dilly dilly! For your next Spring Fling ...

Christmas is coming!

Christmas is coming!

Please don't wear this until after Hallowe'en

Something Fishy This Way Comes

Something Fishy This Way Comes

For the pescatarian - best worn near the ocean ... or the oyster bar

Show your love of Sports

Show your love of Sports

And beverages!

Monster Mash-Up

Monster Mash-Up

Something for those blue Mondays

Big Red

Big Red

Look at me! Look at me!

Bruce Wayne's Sporran Choice

Bruce Wayne's Sporran Choice

"Quick Robin, to the Batmobile!"

Steampunk Sporran

Steampunk Sporran

You'll be ready to direction the attention of the lassies when asked "Have you got the time?"

Sporran for Chocoholics

Sporran for Chocoholics

A sporran made completely of chocolate - 10,600 calories worth Probably best in cool weather - from The Chocolate Tree in Haddington, East Lothian

A Real Conversation Piece

A Real Conversation Piece

Only for the confident gentleman. Use the "honking" chickens for extra fashion points.

Hollow Skull

Hollow Skull

Elegance with a simple black skull - the equivalent of Coco Chanel's single strand of pearls.

Irn Bru

Irn Bru

'The Soft Drink for Hard Men' Product placement, anyone?

T-Rex & Tartan

T-Rex & Tartan

Best to wear this ensemble straight to the psychiatrist's office - saves time.

Haggis Horreur

Haggis Horreur

"Creepy, honest, sonsie face" ... right where it counts.

Don't Hug Me!

Don't Hug Me!

One more spike would have been as the French say, "de trop."

Full Mask Wookie

Full Mask Wookie

The force is not strong with this one. Somebody definitely went to the dark side.

Bobcat

Bobcat

Here kitty, kitty!

Kangaroo

Kangaroo

It is a serious business to be a marsupial. Unfortunately, this sporran lends itself to unceasing, but totally justified, "down under" quips.

For the Foxy Gentleman

For the Foxy Gentleman

Well, we won't be needing to wonder "What Does the Fox Say?" anymore.

Teddy Bear Taxidermy

Teddy Bear Taxidermy

Is nothing sacred?

Arts & Crafts in a Hurry

Arts & Crafts in a Hurry

Finally something useful to do with lint from the dryer tray!

Who would wear this? Who? Who?

Who would wear this? Who? Who?

Someone who hates owls, that's who!

White Weasel

White Weasel

When only formal vermin will do ...

Gator or Croc Appeal - Smile!

Gator or Croc Appeal - Smile!

At least something will be smiling in all those candid photos.

Caw!  Caw!

Caw! Caw!

The phrase "a murder of crows" comes to mind. Probably the perfect accessory for that next cornfield ceilidh!

Pheasant Almost Rampant

Pheasant Almost Rampant

The editor's personal favorite So striking, may cause people to ignore you and speak only to the pheasant, but probably quite useful for holding your dance program or dispensing business cards.

Punk Revival

Punk Revival

We hope this one comes with directions and a warning label. Wearer of this least likely to obtain a partner for Scottish Country Dancing.

Hello Kitty?  Hello Dead Kitty?

Hello Kitty? Hello Dead Kitty?

Ummm ... not sure this would be the best for formal wear. And the added skull (of Hello Kitty, one presumes?) totally transforms the look into something edgy. May upset pre-teen girls.

Pepé MacPew

Pepé MacPew

Let us hope it is has been descented.

Rocky Raccoon

Rocky Raccoon

May detract from your kilt, but at least you can carry your laptop.

Think Pink!

Think Pink!

No one else in the room will have one, that's for sure!

Well, well, well ... Any you wouldn't be caught dead in?  Any you think are just dandy?   Searching the web for your very own right now?

 

And if you have other candidates for this repository of taxidermy terrors, please email with your submissions.

Officially registered tartan graphics on this site courtesy of The Scottish Tartans Authority.  Other tartans from talented tartan artists may also be featured.

  • Facebook - Grey Circle
  • Twitter - Grey Circle
  • YouTube - Grey Circle

This site is featured on:​   boredalot.com   &   pointlesssites.com

9 out of 10 kilt wearers agree - this is almost as thrilling as a good

tartaned kilt flip when going regimental! 

In a tartan mood? Tag along on social media

Punk Revival

We hope this one comes with directions and a warning label. Wearer of this least likely to obtain a partner for Scottish Country Dancing.