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THE GALLERY OF CRUEL & UNUSUAL SPORRANS
Proud of your Sporran? And why not?
Everyone may not be as tasteful as yourself. Perhaps you spent some time choosing just the right sporran that satisfied your own ideas of
overall complementary and pleasing harmony with the rest of your gear
appropriate cultural or subliminal social messaging
Perhaps not ...
At any rate ... we do know there is an art to choosing one's accessories, especially one so specifically and centrally positioned.
Following is a gallery of sporrans that range from "eclectic" to "why?" and go beyond mere matters of taste and tassels.
Trigger Warning: The collection shown below is not for ...
the faint of heart
the weak of stomach
those with no appreciation for the upcyling of roadkill
those who are already offended by the idea of white kilt hose for formal occasions
Editor's note: Trust me ... with sporrans like these, no one is wondering what is worn "under" the kilt.
And now, just to prove that talented taxidermy is no substitute for good taste ...
The Gallery of Cruel&
Ugly Christmas Sporran
Goes with the sweater
Silver bullet, anyone? Not exactly channeling the romantic vampires and werewolves of the Twilight franchise
For the Cyclops in your Life
For giving people the glad eye
Punk in Pastel
Lavender blue dilly dilly! For your next Spring Fling ...
Christmas is coming!
Please don't wear this until after Hallowe'en
Something Fishy This Way Comes
For the pescatarian - best worn near the ocean ... or the oyster bar
Show your love of Sports
Something for those blue Mondays
Look at me! Look at me!
Bruce Wayne's Sporran Choice
"Quick Robin, to the Batmobile!"
You'll be ready to direction the attention of the lassies when asked "Have you got the time?"
Sporran for Chocoholics
A sporran made completely of chocolate - 10,600 calories worth Probably best in cool weather - from The Chocolate Tree in Haddington, East Lothian
A Real Conversation Piece
Only for the confident gentleman. Use the "honking" chickens for extra fashion points.
Elegance with a simple black skull - the equivalent of Coco Chanel's single strand of pearls.
'The Soft Drink for Hard Men' Product placement, anyone?
T-Rex & Tartan
Best to wear this ensemble straight to the psychiatrist's office - saves time.
"Creepy, honest, sonsie face" ... right where it counts.
Don't Hug Me!
One more spike would have been as the French say, "de trop."
Full Mask Wookie
The force is not strong with this one. Somebody definitely went to the dark side.
Here kitty, kitty!
It is a serious business to be a marsupial. Unfortunately, this sporran lends itself to unceasing, but totally justified, "down under" quips.
For the Foxy Gentleman
Well, we won't be needing to wonder "What Does the Fox Say?" anymore.
Teddy Bear Taxidermy
Is nothing sacred?
Arts & Crafts in a Hurry
Finally something useful to do with lint from the dryer tray!
Who would wear this? Who? Who?
Someone who hates owls, that's who!
When only formal vermin will do ...
Gator or Croc Appeal - Smile!
At least something will be smiling in all those candid photos.
The phrase "a murder of crows" comes to mind. Probably the perfect accessory for that next cornfield ceilidh!
Pheasant Almost Rampant
The editor's personal favorite So striking, may cause people to ignore you and speak only to the pheasant, but probably quite useful for holding your dance program or dispensing business cards.
We hope this one comes with directions and a warning label. Wearer of this least likely to obtain a partner for Scottish Country Dancing.
Hello Kitty? Hello Dead Kitty?
Ummm ... not sure this would be the best for formal wear. And the added skull (of Hello Kitty, one presumes?) totally transforms the look into something edgy. May upset pre-teen girls.
Let us hope it is has been descented.
May detract from your kilt, but at least you can carry your laptop.
No one else in the room will have one, that's for sure!
Well, well, well ... Any you wouldn't be caught dead in? Any you think are just dandy? Searching the web for your very own right now?
And if you have other candidates for this repository of taxidermy terrors, please email with your submissions.
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