"SKREEEONK!!!!!!!!"

~ Godzilla, 1954

And why shouldn't Godzilla, King of Monsters, have his own tartan? There is some scant, though compelling evidence of a common ancestry with the Loch Ness Monster (apart from the suspicious family resemblance). Godzilla's ancestral story origins vary, but he is generally depicted as an enormous, violent, prehistoric sea monster awakened and empowered by nuclear radiation. His signature weapon is "atomic breath," a nuclear blast in the form of a blue or red radioactive heat ray! Godzilla also has a distinctive disyllabic roar (transcribed in several comics as Skreeeonk!) which was created by composer Akira Ifukube by rubbing a pine-tar-resin-coated glove along the string of a contrabass and then slowing down the playback! Some have pointed to telling linguistic evidence of Scots-Gaelic in this war cry, noting the old Scots/Norse root of the word "scree" (meaning a large pile of rocks and rubble) and the syllable "onk" (from the Scots "onkferry" meaning "a great fuss"). Given all this, how many yards would Godzilla need for a kilt in his own tartan? In 1954, Godzilla was reckoned to be 50 m tall, tall enough to peer over the largest buildings in Tokyo. But by the release of Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019), Godzilla's height had increased to 119.8 m (393 ft)! A rough calculation (assuming Godzilla is the well-set monster equivalent of a 3 yard kilt-wearing man), and also assuming that roughly a third of his largest assessed scaly body would need to be kilted, results in a need for ~5100 yards of heavy-weight wool (60 " wide). Now about knitting some extra large kilt hose ... Skreeeonk! 🇯🇵 🦖☢️ 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿